


Home

by soonkyuu



Category: K-pop, SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Demisexuality, First Kiss, M/M, a brief moment of wonhui, takes place from predebut to teen age era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:41:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27711518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soonkyuu/pseuds/soonkyuu
Summary: They've been friends since Soonyoung's teeth were still covered in braces and the height difference between the two of them wasn't so large. Even if those early days together in the practice room with the green walls and their cramped trainee dorms are blurry now, the bond that formed there feels strong as steel.
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Comments: 5
Kudos: 81





	Home

When Soonyoung is with Jihoon he is safe. There's a solidness between them that feels unbreakable. They've been friends since Soonyoung's teeth were still covered in braces and the height difference between the two of them wasn't so large. Even if those early days together in the practice room with the green walls and their cramped trainee dorms are blurry now, the bond that formed there feels strong as steel. 

  
  


It's not that Soonyoung's bonds with the rest of Seventeen are weaker, there is just something about Jihoon that makes Soonyoung feel utterly at home. There is some deep intrinsic understanding between the two of them that Soonyoung can't place into words.

  
  


When Soonyoung finally worked up the courage to convince himself to come out, he was intending to tell Seungcheol. At the time, as a sixteen year old, Seungcheol felt like the most safe person to tell. Soonyoung didn't want to presume, but Seungcheol had said and done things that had left him more than a little suspicious. He figured that even if Seungcheol wasn't the same, he at least wouldn't react poorly. 

  
  


Soonyoung had already asked Seungcheol to meet him in the piano room and he was almost certain he'd already be there by now. Soonyoung's anxieties take hold of his willpower and crumple it like paper into a tiny ball. Pulling himself away from Jihoon's side is an insurmountable task. He doesn't realize how quickly he's breathing until Jihoon leans in front of his vision, brows knit together and confusion evident on his face. When Jihoon asks him if he's okay, Soonyoung reflexively shakes his head no. Jihoon gets to his feet and puts his hand in front of Soonyoung's face to pull him up. Once he is standing Soonyoung can't bring himself to let go of Jihoon's hand. Jihoon pulls him out of the practice room and down the hall in the general direction of their dorms, but Soonyoung finally manages to interject. 

  
  


"Hang on, I need to talk to Seungcheol." Soonyoung spits out ineloquently, words tumbling over each other as they race to fall out of his mouth. He pulls Jihoon back down the hallway to where he knows Seungcheol is waiting. Jihoon is audibly confused but allows Soonyoung to pull him around like a child with a stuffed toy. When Soonyoung's eyes meet Seungcheol's the calmness he sees there makes him queasy. It's not strange that Seungcheol isn't freaking out just like Soonyoung is, he has no reason to be worried. Soonyoung's palms sweat and he's not certain, but he thinks his nerves are making him physically tremble. 

  
  


Soonyoung starts to grip Jihoon's hand so tight that he starts to protest, but when Soonyoung spits out his confession Jihoon falls still and silent. Soonyoung still remembers how Seungcheol's eyebrows raised and how he leaned in to hug him, awkwardly maneuvering around Jihoon who Soonyoung was still clinging to like a lifeline. He remembers more vividly, however, how Jihoon's hand tightly squeezed his own. 

  
  


The special closeness between the two of them did not go unnoticed by the rest of the group members. When Soonyoung would wrap his arm around Jihoon or hold his hand, something he'd been increasingly hesitant to allow the others to do, no one really gave it much question. Jihoon's relationship with Soonyoung was just different, and it was easy to accept. When they win their first music show and Soonyoung cries ugly tears, he starts to understand his relationship with Jihoon a little more. The fact that they can receive such great recognition with the songs his best friend writes seems almost unbelievable. Back when Jihoon first started writing songs Soonyoung liked them just as he does now, but it never crossed his mind that Jihoon could be this successful. There's an admiration there that lasts for weeks after, and a warmth deep inside him that grows every time he looks at Jihoon. In a way he is prideful, because Jihoon is loved, and somewhere along the line Jihoon being loved became inherently linked to Soonyoung's own feelings of love. 

  
  


When their first album promotions finally end and they begin practicing feverishly for the repackage Soonyoung starts to feel a need to verbalize how much he loves Jihoon. Soonyoung seizes the moment sitting on Jihoon's bed with him in a rare moment of privacy. The little glowy star stickers Mingyu had stuck to the ceiling of the room when they first moved in hold just the smallest amount of luminance in the half lit bedroom. 

  
  


"I love you," comes out so naturally. Jihoon's comforter is so soft against the back of Soonyoung's head. Once the words leave his mouth they seem to take on a different meaning. Soonyoung had the thought platonically, but there's something more there. It's something empirically true and Soonyoung feels dumb for not making the connection before he said it aloud. 

  
  


"I know," Jihoon says quietly beside him. It's a casual statement, almost mundane. Soonyoung's heart starts to stammer in his chest and those same anxieties he'd felt coming out to Seungcheol three years prior make his skin start to tingle. Did Jihoon understand what Soonyoung had really meant? Did Soonyoung want him to? Did Soonyoung even know what he really meant? His eyes land on one star sticker in particular that has peeled away from the ceiling halfway. Soonyoung feels a sudden urge to pull it all the way down. 

  
  


"I mean, I'm in love with you," Soonyoung blurts out. The sticker above his head glimmers dully in some benign yet cosmic act of recognition. Jihoon's hand falls onto Soonyoung's own and he holds it gently. 

  
  


"I know," Jihoon repeats. This time the casual delivery makes sense. Of course Soonyoung loves Jihoon. It is not a sudden revelation but a logical conclusion. Jihoon knows, Soonyoung knows, the sticker on the ceiling knows, every star in the universe knows. 

  
  


Jihoon gets into an argument with Seungcheol in the middle of practicing the choreography for Boom Boom. It is so vitriolic that it shocks everyone into silence. Soonyoung can see the conflict brewing in retrospect but that does him no good now. Jihoon and Seungcheol spar with their words while the other eleven of them stand frozen in place. To pick a side feels like an ultimate betrayal to the opposition. Seungcheol storms out and Jihoon does as well moments later. If the situation wasn't so serious the fact that they'd both left out the same door might have been comical. 

  
  


Soonyoung finds Jihoon in one of the building's unused dance practice rooms, the walls only half painted and the presence of dust almost overbearing. The mirror across the room reflects Jihoon crouched on the ground and hiding his face from the world. When Soonyoung crouches in front of him the words Jihoon offers him are pained and incomplete. Soonyoung wasn't expecting any different. What he wasn't expecting was for Jihoon to lean forward and wrap his arms around Soonyoung's shoulders. His face meets the cotton of Soonyoung's shirt and tears start to stain the white into a dull gray. In the mirror Soonyoung can see more clearly how Jihoon's back trembles under the weight of his sobs. Jihoon is not the type to cry easily and never like this. It's so powerful it shakes his small frame almost violently. Soonyoung isn't sure he's ever seen Jihoon cry like this before. He wraps his arms around Jihoon and squeezes him in the hopes that it'd echo the acceptance he'd felt when Jihoon had squeezed his hand years before. 

  
  


The romantic aspect of their relationship builds slowly, but it doesn't bother Soonyoung much. He and Jihoon are crowded tight beside each other under Soonyoung's blanket on the couch of their dorm when Jihoon hesitantly starts to speak. He tells him that he was reading things online and that he thinks he's demisexual. Soonyoung doesn't really know what the word means and the way Jihoon describes it isn't the most informative. The flashes of light from their TV screen illuminate Jihoon's tense jaw and nervous eyes. Even if Soonyoung doesn't understand, it doesn't matter. Soonyoung loves Jihoon just as he did before. He wraps his arm around Jihoon's shoulders and they've already fallen asleep by the time Minghao flicks on the living room lights to complain about the noise of the TV keeping him awake.

  
  


Junhui kisses Wonwoo during the jacket shoot for their upcoming mini album where he thinks no one will see them, but Soonyoung sees them. Jihoon sees them too, as does the entire rest of their group. Several makeup artists, photographers, and one lighting technician are also privy. Seungkwan clears his throat and Wonwoo pales as he draws away from Junhui. Soonyoung's never seen his eyes so wide. Seungcheol calls a group meeting after the shoot to chastise them and warn them to be discrete. Everyone is very positive to the idea of the two of them, and Soonyoung wouldn't expect any less. One thing does become clear in the following discussions for the next week or so. None of the other members realized that Soonyoung and Jihoon were engaged in something more than simple friendship. Soonyoung suddenly finds himself questioning labels. To say they were in a relationship was undoubtedly true, but to call Jihoon his boyfriend didn't quite feel right. He'd never explicitly asked to date. The more he thinks about it the more small seeds of doubt begin to grow in his mind. 

  
  


"Why are you making that face?" Jihoon asks him. In the reflection of the makeup mirror Soonyoung meets his own gaze and confirms that he is, in fact, making a very strained face at himself. The makeup artist finishes with Jihoon's eyeliner and moves away to start on Jeonghan. Jihoon meets his eyes through the mirror and raises his eyebrows expectantly. 

  
  


"Are we boyfriends?" Soonyoung asks him. He hadn't intended to breach the topic with no preamble but he's never been one to think much before he speaks. Jihoon is understandably stunned and Soonyoung can see his ears start to burn. Soonyoung can see Junhui and Minghao's conversation halt behind them in the reflection of the mirror. The two of them stare at Soonyoung and Jihoon with unhidden nosiness. 

  
  


"Uh, yeah," Jihoon stutters out ineloquently. Soonyoung can't even begin to stop the smile that tugs at the corners of his mouth.

  
  


"Just making sure," Soonyoung wraps his arms around Jihoon's form and hums happily. Even if Jihoon isn't good at verbalizing it, Soonyoung understands. 

  
  


"Look, I'm happy for you two, but Soonyoung," Seungcheol's voice and hand on his shoulder startles him from his brief reverie and Soonyoung can't stop himself from pouting this time. "Please go sit down and get your makeup done. We're going on soon." Soonyoung reluctantly pulls himself away from Jihoon and to his own seat. Seungcheol ruffles Jihoon's hair as he leaves and Soonyoung is enamored by how flustered Jihoon looks. He's more enamored, however, by how Jihoon pulls Soonyoung close and kisses him on the cheek after they're safely backstage and away from all the eyes and cameras. 

  
  


It is on their second album that Jihoon writes the two of them a duet, but it is far from romantic. Jihoon tells him nonchalantly that he's already written Soonyoung countless love songs in their discography and it blows Soonyoung away. He'd never quite made the connection between Jihoon's lyrics and their own relationship but it does make sense, they couldn't have been written about anyone else. He concedes that their duet fits him much better than a love song anyway. 

  
  


He's not sure he's ever had more fun recording a song than he does with Bring It. He yells into the microphone and laughs hysterically as Jihoon recoils and frantically turns down the volume on his headphones. When he finishes his lines and goes to leave Jihoon to his mixing in peace, Jihoon stops him at the doorway with a hand around his wrist. He pulls Soonyoung down to his seated eye level and presses a kiss to his lips that leaves Soonyoung seeing stars. It's short and chaste yet somehow left Soonyoung feeling a bit breathless nonetheless. He tries to speak but coughs in Jihoon's face instead. All of that screaming into the microphone has left him hoarser than he anticipated. Laughter bubbles up through his body uncontrollably. 

  
  


"Very romantic," Jihoon chuckles before pulling Soonyoung closer to kiss him again. Soonyoung laughs into it but Jihoon persists until Soonyoung is rightfully breathless. 

  
  


Kissing Jihoon is simple. To Soonyoung it comes naturally as breathing or laughing. He concludes that it must be some universal law that inevitably they'd end up together like this. Soonyoung loves Jihoon, commands the universe. Jihoon loves Soonyoung, answers the galaxy stickers on Jihoon's ceiling. 


End file.
